(Recently, the San Marcos newspaper for which I worked a number of years, The Hays County Citizen, was digitalized by the San Marcos Public Library. I haven’t had a chance to read much of what is there, but this column, written on my 30th birthday, caught my eye. I thought I’d share it as I near by 77th birthday.)

TODAY IS MY 30th birthday. I don’t know how it happened but there it is. 

(Isn’t that a nice line? I wish I’d come up with it, but I stole it from John Steinbeck, who used it on his 60th birthday.)

If there is anything I feel on this first day of my 31st year on this earth, it is a disappointment. Not at my life, but at the fact that I have not changed at all now that I am 30. I was under the impression that at 30, one went through a radical change in lifestyle, philosophy and action.

Not so. I’m still me. And even though I am disappointed that there have been no changes, I am glad I still am me. For, you see, I like myself the way I was before I turned 30, and I do believe I would like to stay that way, at least for another 30 years.

What is there to like about myself, you may ask. To start with, I think I have been extremely lucky, especially over these last 10 years, when it comes to jobs, friends and things accomplished. 

I have not had to suffer or sacrifice much, or at least not as much as others, in getting to this point in my life. I have yet to have had to struggle to get my job and my friends. And, despite my arrogance and pettiness, the friends I have acquired have stuck with me. I don’t deserve them and they don’t deserve me, but there they are. 

That is a good feeling.

I GOT INTO newspapering rather by accident and I have learned to love it and the people with whom I have been associated in that field, and despite occasional feelings of self-doubt and restlessness, I feel I belong here, and that too is a good feeling. 

I have a good feeling about my family, both my natural family and the other people who have become members of the secondary family. They are loosely connected, and some of them are far away, but they are members of my family nonetheless. 

Nearly every day I hear stories of families where there is nothing but constant bickering and backbiting. I find that hard to accept because in my family all the fighting was done when we were kids, when fighting was what was expected of us and when it was fun. We don’t do that anymore.

While it was my immediate family that provided me with the love and nourishment necessary to go out into the world with a healthy mind and healthy attitude, it has been members of my acquired family who have provided me with something that is just as important: the confidence necessary to survive and compete in this world. 

I wish I could name all of them, but they know who they are and I hope that they will feel that what they helped create was not a monster, but rather a loving, caring person whose ultimate purpose was to make his world better. 

AS FOR accomplishments, I won’t deceive myself into thinking I have been important to this world. But I know I have mattered in some people’s lives, and that too makes me feel good. I do not wish to overestimated my own importance, but I also hate fake humility. Damn it, I have done some good in this world, especially in this community.

If nothing else I have acted as a lightning rod and a catalyst in the struggle for equality in San Marcos. My willingness to expose my feelings and leave myself open for ridicule and contempt have helped the lives of a few other people by making them realize their similar feelings are legitimate and important. Nothing has given me more pleasure than to have somebody come up to me and say, “Yes, you said it exactly as it is, thank you.”

I know I will never be a great columnist, but the people I care about the most know what I’m talking about, and that’s all that matters. My sentences may be a little crude, not quite as flowery as those of others, but people know what I mean. Considering that when I started out in the public school system, I had no idea what the English language was about, you must admit I have done well.

BUT WHAT I’M most proud of is that even though my body has begun the process called aging, my mind, my spirit, my soul, my heart – whatever you want to call it –  is still young. Perhaps too young, some might say, but I would rather be child-like forever if that means keeping my ability to become excited about the insignificant things in life, and if it means never becoming a grump. 

A man who would rather read a newspaper while in the car instead of enjoying the beauty of the countryside is a dead man, as is a man who would rather sleep in an airplane instead of looking out the window at the earth below to the clouds around him – and one who is afraid to cry or laugh or show his emotions in any manner.

If I can keep my enthusiasm over the small things for the rest of my life, then I know I will live a happy live a happy life forever.

My hope for the coming years is that I remain very much an alive man and that I retain my ability to laugh and cry. And feel – really feel – for other people. And that I can retain all my friends and gain new ones, and that someday I will be able to offer them as much as they give me.